Dealing With Realisations
by Diary
Summary: Re-posted. Both Toad and Kurt discover something about themselves, and it's not something that can be dealt with alone. Luckily, Toad has Tabby, and Kurt has Rogue. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men Evolution.

…

"Hey, Toad. I'm crashing here tonight. Any soda left?" Tabby reached up and patted his head before continuing to walk towards the kitchen. "Amara's coming over tonight, too; you boys are confined to the basement. Just remember: I know where Pietro keeps his diary, I know where Lance keeps the underwear he stole from Shadowcat, I know how to lock you in the scary, dark closet, again, and Freddy's head isn't the only place on him I can shave." After grabbing the soda, Tabby patted Toad's head again and headed to Mystique's room.

Todd continued to squat on the ceiling, a bemused look on his face that had nothing to do with anything his female roommate had said.

…

The nun, a young, conservative woman, who always wore her habit, despite many younger nuns choosing more modern, though still modest, styles, gave Kurt a sympathetic look. They were in a small room, Kurt sitting on a couch, the nun gargling mouthwash. She had brushed and flossed her teeth while he had explained his conflict to her.

Finishing, she sat down on the couch. "I apologise, my son. I was helping another young man earlier, and he has the most horrible taste. Still, there might be hope for him, yet."

"Oh, there's no need to apologise, Sister," Kurt assured her, looking down at the carpet. "I just wanted so badly to believe it," he continued. "For a long time, I believed I was attracted to girls but too nervous to approach them. But now, I realise that I never was; I just wanted to be."

She sighed. "You did the correct thing in breaking off your relationship with the girl you were dating. It isn't fair to her to be committed to someone undergoing this sort of confusion. And so many homosexuals believe that having a non-platonic relationship with a person they cannot feel romantic attraction to is an acceptable behaviour. Unfortunately, the Church deserves a large piece of the blame for that."

Kurt continued to look down at the carpet. "You're right; I am confused, Sister Marie. About everything. I'm not really sure why I came to talk to you, Sister. I'm not sure that I believe sexual orientation can be changed, but-."

"In my opinion, it can't, my son," the nun answered. "Love can be chosen, but lust cannot. It can be controlled so that a person does not follow through on such things, yes, but one cannot decide who they physically desire."

"I-I haven't done anything with another boy," Kurt said, softly. He closed his eyes. "Amanda was my first girlfriend, and all we did was make-out."

She touched his gloved hand. "Have you talked to any of your family or friends? You said yourself: You aren't sure what you feel or what action you believe is the best. They might be able to help you more than I can."

Shaking his head, Kurt looked at her, briefly. "My parents would so be disappointed. They'd still love me, but, well, it would be, yet another, way that I'm different. My bio- I'm adopted, Sister, and my biological mother isn't a good person; I don't know who my biological father is. Still, I can't help but wonder how my biological mother would feel if she were to find out."

"What about your friends?"

"I live with most of my friends, Sister, at the Institute. If they rejected me, not only would I be virtually friendless, but the other kids and people at school might- if my friends told."

"Do you have any siblings? I thought you mentioned a sister before."

Kurt nodded. "Rogue was raised by my biological mother; now, she lives with me at the Institute. We- aren't very close, anymore. In the beginning, we were nice enough around each other, and then, we found out about our shared connection to Mystique, that's my biological mother, and we bonded. But then- She hates our mother, and-" He groaned and put his head in his hands. "You're wrong about love being a choice, Sister. I don't want to hate Mystique, but some part of me can't help but love her, and I wish I didn't. Rogue, if she didn't consider me some sort of traitor at the moment and I told her, would be furious that I consider homosexuality to be immoral."

"My son," the nun said, gently, "homosexuality and abortion are two of the most argued about topics within almost every faith. Some believe both to be a sin no matter what, some believe, in certain circumstances, one or both are acceptable, and some believe neither is a sin, no matter what. Do you want to hear my thoughts on the subject of the former?"

Kurt nodded, unconsciously holding his breath.

"Look at me," she ordered; in his peripheral vision, he saw her hands advancing towards his face.

Quickly, he looked up and caught her bare hands in his gloved ones. Sister Marie had spoken positively of mutants when they'd discussed the subject, she being of the opinion that, like Jesus, God had created mutants for a reason, and like Jesus, they shouldn't be hated or oppressed. Still, Kurt wasn't sure if she'd ever met someone she knew to be a mutant, and he didn't want to chance losing her if she changed her mind once faced with the reality.

"Jesus trusted Saint Paul to start His Church, and Paul followed Jesus's wishes to the best of his ability. However, unlike our saviour, Paul was imperfect and let some of his own personal bias taint Church doctrine. Jesus said nothing on homosexuality, and his blood cancelled out much of the Old Testament."

Kurt nodded, wondering where this was going.

"My advice, Kurt, is to forget everything you have previously thought about homosexuality. Don't consider anyone's beliefs on the subject. Instead, pray. Not for forgiveness, and not for validation. But tell God that you are a homosexual, and ask Him what he wants you to do. Ask if it is a sin to Him." She smiled. "It might take years, or it might take little time, but eventually, you will have the answer. Until then, avoid romantic relationships of any kind. When you are sure, to the bottom of your heart, that you have received God's answer, then, act. If the answer is yes, then, you must be celibate and ask forgiveness for any impure thoughts. If not, then, you must still respect the others law of sexual morality and pray for forgiveness if you don't."

She patted his hands and gave him a sad smile. "Unfortunately, not all sins are explicitly spelled out. Because of that, people often twist things to fit their own desires. God would answer all if people would simply open their hearts to Him; if they truly wanted to know His answer."

Standing, the nun walked over to her desk. "My other advice is: Talk to your real sister. It doesn't have to be about this. Just talk to her. Remind her that you love her, and that you can't help your feelings towards your biological mother. Tell her how much you miss being close to her. If she's any type of friend, she'll listen. If she's any type of sister, she's missing you, too."

"Thank you, Sister," he said, standing up and hugging her. "I'll see at Mass."

When he was gone, she smiled and resumed gargling mouthwash.

…

Lance and Freddy appeared, the latter of which tossed Todd on the couch. "We're leaving," Lance snapped. "He's staying."

Tabby looked closely at Todd, who hadn't made a fuss at being dumped or gotten leery over her and Amara in their teddies. Neither had Lance or Freddy, Tabby realised.

Ignoring Amara, who was frantically shoving a flannel robe on, Tabby inched closer to the couch. "Toadie, hon, you didn't take a shower, did you," she inquired, sniffing. "'Cause, you know, you aren't supposed to do that when no one else is around. You need someone to make sure the soap doesn't poison you too badly."

Todd looked up and blinked. "Whoa, killer teddy, Tabitha." He grinned.

Tabby found herself less than convinced.

He stood. "Well, don't wanna get my butt kicked; I'll just leave you two hot chicks alone."

"Sit," she demanded, pushing him back down onto the couch. "Amara, could I have a moment alone with Toddles? You can jump on Misty's bed some more."

When the other mutant was out of earshot, Tabby raised an eyebrow. She felt his forehead. "C'mon, Toddy, spit it out. You've been creepy since I got here. It's not soap, and you don't have a fever. So, what gives?"

Todd shrugged. "I had this strange dream that might have been a hallucination, yo," he said, as casually as he could manage. "I just need some time to think, that's all."

Her eyes rose. "Toddles, you know how stupid I find drug laws, but that whole not showering without someone nearby thing? Same with-"

"I didn't take anything, I swear! I was just sleeping, and something kinda woke me, and then," he paused, "there was one of the X-Geeks, and they kissed me, and man, Tabs, it seemed so freaking real, but then, there was no one, and I was just sitting up, looking around, still a little out of it, no one around."

Grinning, the Tabby asked, "They, as in, more than one, or they, as in, please, don't notice my lack of female pronouns?"

"It's totally cool, hon," she assured him, seeing the answer in his eyes. "Only lusting after one gender has always seemed so restricting to me, but hey, people don't make a big deal about my orientation, I don't make a big deal about theirs."

"So," she continued, grinning, "was it Blue, or-"

"Yes," Todd answered, resigned. "And now, well, it was all good, yo, me not really caring one way or another, and then, the stupid dream gots me thinking, and fine, he's hot, and I don't have a chance, 'cause, not even-"

Leaning over, she kissed him, chastely. "You'd be surprised, toad-boy. Buck up. I like you, and my taste is freaking awesome. Someday, you'll find someone else with really awesome taste that'll see you as more than just a cute little-cousin figure." She smiled and got off the couch, pulling him with her. "Now, go find the other boys. Don't come home 'til two." She positioned him towards the door and gave his bottom a soft pat.

…

Kurt had no idea what to do.

Rogue was standing in front of him, staring down, her green silk pyjamas long-sleeved, footed, and turtle-necked, along with black gloves that had no openings, unlike the ones she wore during the day. Once, during an emergency drill during the night, she had groggily left her room without covering and bumped into one of the other students. Since then, she covered more completely during the night than she did during the day.

Finding Rogue in the garden and asking to speak to her privately had been fairly easy, agreeing to meet in her room after supper had been automatic, even going to her room, knocking, entering, and sitting down on the carpet had seemed non-threatening.

Except, now that it's done, he can only think: Oh, God, what was he supposed to say again?

"So, did you hear about Scott and Jean's latest fight?"

He mentally strangled himself with his tail. Everyone knew about her crush on Scott. "Er, I mean- Sorry," he muttered. "Kitty has this new CD," he tried, again. "Evan was trying to dance to it earlier, and-"

"Kurt, you don't have to sit on the floor, and I seriously doubt you came in here to have a laugh about all the funny things our teammates have done recently. Just stop with trying to joke, and tell me what you want to say. You're too off your game tonight to even try."

Sighing, Kurt looked up, straight into her eyes. "Mystique's always going to be part of me, Rogue. I know she's not a good person, and part of me feels anger whenever I think of how she used you and tried to hurt the others, but no matter what, the fact that biologically she's my mother is always going to make me feel some love towards her. But I don't love her anywhere near as much or as strong as I do you. Please,-"

He was interrupted by Rogue settling down on her knees in front of him and looking him straight in the eyes. "Love is a strong word, Nightcrawler. I believe you're fond of me, and you're right with where you're heading; I shouldn't be on your case for loving your mom."

Kurt shook his head. "Rogue, you're my friend and my sister, whether we're related by blood or not. I'm not just fond of you." He reached out and took her gloved hands in his.

Rogue gave him a small, genuine smile. "I feel the same, Kurt."

It was too much for him. "Rouge, I'm gay, and I don't know how I feel about that. And I really meant what I said, but I also need someone to talk to."

Nodding, she stood up. "The bed's more comfortable than the floor. Should I get some snacks?"

"I'm way too queasy right now," he answered, standing up and sitting down on the bed.

Rogue went to her closet, dug a training helmet that was mainly Plexiglas and slid it on, and making sure the glass was fully closed. "In case we fall asleep," she explained, climbing onto the bed and underneath the covers. "C'mon," she said, motioning for him to join her.

"So," she started when he was under the covers and tracing patterns on her stomach, "I think my friend, Risty, is either bi or gay. We've never talked about it, but I think it's just one of those things were we both know but neither of us is quite ready to bring it out in the open."

"Did you know with me?"

She shook her head. "I had no clue. Honestly, I thought Amanda had broken up with you, and that you just wanted some control by saying it was you who did it. Sorry."

"I've always known," he said, glumly. He turned on his side and hid his face in the crook between her shoulder and neck. "I just didn't want to."

"This doesn't really change anything, ya know?" She turned on her side and tapped his chest. "You're still you, and anyone who doesn't see that is an idiot. Is there a boy?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't think there's going to be any for a while. I have so many feelings, Rogue, and I need to sort them out, find out how I feel about all of this."

"Okay," she said. "Just remember, I'm not going to start feeling differently about you because of this, and if you ever start seeing a guy, as long as he's nice and treats you right, I'll be happy for you. I'll probably even learn to like him if he manages to stick around long enough."

"Thanks, Rogue," he said, yawning, suddenly tired. "Here, take off the helmet," he said, sitting up. "I'm about to leave."

She took it off and dropped it on the floor.

Kurt got out of bed, waited until she was lying on her back, and pulled just the sheet over her head. He bent down and kissed her left cheek, and then, her forehead before she could move or ask what he was doing. "Thank you," he said softly. "I love you, Rogue, and if you ever want to talk to me about something, anything, I'll be happy to listen."

She pushed the sheet down, got on her knees, and raised herself up. Putting her right hand across his face, she kissed it. "I love you, too, Kurt."

…

"Hey, girl, you look different," Risty exclaimed, her words slightly slurred from the mints she had in her mouth. She paused. "You didn't touch anyone, did you?"

Rogue shook her head and hugged her friend. "No. Look, you know how Kurt's mom helped raise me? Well, last night, Kurt and I had a heart-to-heart, and now, it's like we're really brother and sister." She frowned. "That was a million times less corny in my head.

"Fabulous, darling. Corny or not," Risty said, squeezing Rouge's hand. "He's always been very funny. I quite like him."

They sat down at a table. "Seems I'm not the only one," Risty joked, looking across the courtyard.

Toad was sitting with the Brotherhood when Kurt walked by. The amphibian mutant turned a dark red and almost fell off the table.

Rogue made a face. "Thankfully, Kurt would never go for someone like Toad."

"Really?"

The mutant shrugged. "Well, I'd hope not," she amended. "I guess if he went insane, I'd try to be supportive of it and try my hardest not to kill either of them, but still, can you imagine kissing Toad?"

Risty blanched. "Never bring that up, again," she ordered. "Do you have any gum or mints?"


End file.
